MFV BF494 'Pansy', an old Motor Fifie Conversion

thought for the day -

Not sinking is better than sinking, and not sinking is way way better than drugs. Earned my gold badge of old wooden boat ownership today. We've been taking a bit of water, had thought with all the summery stormyness it was coming in through the 'sunroof'... only, it ain't rained for a couple of days, previous pump outs have been a bit half baked, get enough water out to not get wet feet basically, so today, get the big pump right down on the hog amidships and get it all out. so down the water goes... and then there was a noise. not a nice noise, not a comforting relaxing sort of noise. Not even a gentle gurgling watery sort of noise, mind you they are only good when heard from outside a boat. this was a definate hi-pressure squirty leaky inside of a boat sort of noise.

so me, No 2 and the ships cat, whose perched atop the space where the stairs used to be, knocked the pumps off and sat in silence and listened a bit

There was definite a consenus that it was a high pressure watery squirty sorta noise, which only went away when the bilges was half full again

Not good. conclusion: we've got a leak

the last remnants of vaguely niceness, the lovely mahogany saloon floor was gone in under 3 minutes. next more fecking ballast, then there it was, the squirty watery not nice noise maker

Bugger. what followed would have made interesting viewing. An hour of leaping about, gathering together of repairing things interspersed with a few small burst of electrocution type noise from yours truly just to add to the groovy vibe that was going down, which included No 2 betraying his dutch ancestory, finger in a dyke stylee (fingering a dyke???)

A leak, and not a small one. one of the seams, right down on the garboard strake has gone, possibly caused by, if not then helped along by, a stupidly large block of iron resting on the seam

now, at this point everything was under control. the squirty thing squirted water in, the pumps pumped it out, a nice equilibrium. Then I shifted the lump of iron, and the balance of power definately shifted in favour of the squirty thing. Nothing to stop it now from giving it large

no more pumps to bring into play so it was down elbow deep in the rapidly rising bilges, half a yard of caulking cotton that I'd squeezed through with white lead and linseed oil, my skinny little finger poking it hither and thither

to make matters worse the leak started under a frame, the first futtock actually. I've waited all year for a chance to mention futtocks BTW, one of my all time favourite words.

but with a bit of screwdrivery pokeyness, (ever had your futtocks poked??) the leak slowed, No 2 bailed with an empty bovril cup, the pumps took over then slowly the bilges emptied again. more cotton, caulking irons, more white lead and the thing was plugged. Been thinking about marketing white lead as a cure for nail biting, poke some under your fingernails, bite them and you might die! washing the stuff off my mitts the thought also occurred that it would be a really effective coffee whitener, although there may be side effects

the electrocution came into play. with the extra pumps that were getting thrown in, no time for nice connections, bare the wires and twist them together, and even though only 24Volts, with hands wet with salty water, and feet immersed in salty bilge water it tickled a bit!, and of course bare wire connections keep getting caught in the tangle of hoses and parting, needing to be re-made. At one point I considered fitting sacrificial anodes to my feet, to see if would hurt less

with empty bilges and no sign of more coming in, No2 declared the 'Not Sinking Endorphin's which had now kicked in to be better than drugs (probably) and the ships cat relinquished his vice like grip on the pontoon and his exit route out of the wheelhouse.

*Don't Panic*

Fantastic way to spend a Friday evening, good company, warm ginger beer and a water feature to make you want to go to the toilet - for a poo! I've been a bit unwell recently and the doc has recommended I take things easy, so a bit of pootling was in order, ended up giving mouth to mouth to a large wooden boat and waiting for it to flatline. I was very good at the lying down again, with my hand under water this time. Managed to push a pirate bandana (complete with skull and crossbones) into the wee hole for a bit of temporary relief! Stiffled the odd guffaw as Captain Electric did hairy lightbulb impressions, a pleasant diversion from his current(geddit)obsession with the history, physiology and mating habits of nails. Once the hole was filled back in with wool and plasticine I turned to the skipper and asked what on Earth I could have done if he hadn't been there.

"Remove all of my tools onto the pontoon and then do the right thing - stand on the prow and go down with the ship"

He did add that as it was low tide, I would have ended up ankle deep and have had to continue saluting until high tide, which may or may not have reached my eyebrows!

Big thanks to Fred the boat builder for his calmly considered advice in the midst of a bit of a flap, much appreciated.